April 2nd is World Autism Awareness Day.
Until this year, I only thought of it as a subject my sister was professionally connected to, working often with children on the spectrum.
Now, and curiously just 2 days before my son B.’s birthday, it is a reality much closer to home.
It started when B turned 2. Expected words that wouldn’t come, an almost obssessive curiosity for wheels, alignment of toys, the trouble eating instead of the expected food diversity, the intense tantrums. When on a trip to Ireland with my sister she told me that by observation, she was sure B. was on the spectrum, I was mad at her. Accused her of seeing signs in everyone because of work. I refused to accept it and stayed in denial for another year. That was weak of me. Because I was scared people would label my son for life and he would never be free to just be himself. And also, I’m ashamed to say it now, because of my expectations to have a neuronormative child at the time.
I’m uncovering an ugly side to show you that this is a journey of self discovery for the parents as well. Not all parents react the same. Maybe some will be open to diagnosis immediately, but there will always parents who refuse to see it. We’re in a society that is luckily opening up our consciences, but there are still so many prejudices and lack of information.
That’s why this day matters. It is of the utmost importance to diagnose and start intervention at an early age, and it is just as important to inform, create tolerance and adaptability, for teachers, for other children, so that an autistic child will feel comfortable and integrated.
When B started school last year, I finally accepted to do an evaluation and he started a first part of intervention over a month ago. It may have took me a while, but I let go of my barriers and I got there.
I don’t know how he will evolve. I’m scared of how hard it will be for him in the future. Of the challenges ahead. But there are also wonderful moments of laughter and play, expressions of love in his own way, victories.
I’m learning with him. I’m discovering his personality. I’m trying to see life through his eyes.
B. is simply B., and I’m proud of him and love him for all that he is.
