I’ve decided to improvise this year.
No resolutions, no plans, no trying to foresee the future.
Only discovery. And making the most of it.
2022 was my richest year in self development, change and small but significant achievements. It wasn’t easy and it took a lot of uncomfortable moments, hard work in therapy and learning to let go and grow.
There is still much to be fine tuned, but one of the big missions was to learn how to live alone, how to be alone, without anxiety. Feeling tranquility in solitude. Also learning to listen to my inner voice, intuition, trust myself and let go of the pressure and influence of others.
The change was so subtle, I hardly noticed when it happened. But since September, I’ve been finding it more and more pleasurable to do things on my own.
I can enjoy my house in the days my son isn’t with me, without feeling lost or sad.
I can make my decisions without having to run them by family or friends to be sure they’re valid or right or what is expected of me.
I’m slowly managing to say or do things without seeking approval or appreciation from others.
I feel excited to create and have experiences by myself. I’ve even bought a ticket to a show from one of my favourite comedians, that is on another country.
And today I’ve watched my first concert alone in 38 years of existence. And it felt good.
It feels like dipping your toes in the water before you take a real dive. I’m learning to walk, like a toddler, before I feel ready to fly.
And the wonderful thing about this, is that however slowly and cautiously I’m doing it, today for the first time I thought, “I deserve this. I’ve worked hard for this, and I’m proud of how far I’ve come”.
So I hope 2023 will be a great year, because I’m certainly excited to start a new journey.